A.C. Ranted - Gameday Predictions: Broncos, Pats, 49ers

Gilchrist blasted Peyton Manning in their last meeting.

　
A.C. Ranted
Saturday: 1/11/14

San Diego Chargers @ Denver Broncos (-9):

The only thing close about this game will be how far the drive for the Chargers to buy recreational marijuana will be. You can’t capture lightning in a bottle Phillip Rivers, and throwing your arms up at the ref on every single pass play does not help you draw pass interference. In order for a flag to be thrown for pass interference, Phillip, there must be pass interference. Even Tony Romo thinks you’re a cry baby. Peyton Manning will have his way with the San Diego defense in Colorado, just like Kobe Bryant had his way with that girl in Colorado, but that’s another story for another time. Yes, I know, he was innocent (rolling my eyes). So the line not being a factor in this one, I like the Broncos heavy at 41 – 17. By the way, the older Shannon Sharpe gets, the more he resembles the Denver Broncos logo.



Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots (-7):

This game will pit Andrew Luck and his gigantic chompers and disgusting beard against Gisele Bundchen's husband and his epic chin gape. The edge of the dimple on Brady's face is called the event horizon because that sucker is deep enough to be a black hole and it's where Bill Belichick stores an extra hoodie. Now, about the game. There's not enough defense to go around for both teams to be effective so look for a shootout. I know it's in Foxboro but it's really hard to look at the Colts offense and not see how Luck won't chew through New England's lack of pass rush. I like the Colts with 7 points, but think they ultimately pull it out 34 - 24. If you happen to be an on-field reporter, get your Gallagher tarp ready for the Luck interview, there's guaranteed to be shrapnel rocketing out of his word hole housing all those prehistoric teeth.

Sunday: 1/12/14
San Francisco 49ers @ Carolina Panthers (+1):

Ok Panther nation, how bad does it feel to be a one point underdog at home? I bet it stings more than a little. You need at least 3 more Luke Kuechlies to be able to hang with the 49ers stingy defense. Luke Kuechly I see your parents had a sense of humor with a name like that. It sounds like something you get in a Brooklyn deli, "Yeah gimme a Luke Kuechly with cream cheese and a cup of coffee." Anyway, back to the game. Cam Newton will be less effective than the web design company that built the Affordable Healthcare website. That being said I like SF to win but not a high scoring affair, 16 – 10. Oh, and Cam, I hear your Dad is putting up $180,000 for San Fran to win, any idea where he got the money for that?

A.C.